Crazy Parents Part 2: Tommy the Turd

Well, here is craziness at a whole new level. Tommy the Turd is an interesting character. How do I summarize his personality. He reminds me of the kid from growing up in NYC that would sucker punch you and run away. That’s pretty much him. All talk and not much else. He’s “tough” when he has backers. Understandable I guess, he’s about 5’9″ and 140 lbs soaking wet.  I guess it’s a Napoleon complex maybe? I’m not a psychiatrist but this dude needs some serious couch time.

Another interesting characteristic, he talks in low voices even when no one is around! Some of his greatest quotes that I’ve heard directly or from others include but not limited to:

“Kelty, no one is paying my bills or putting food on my table”, (rationalization to justify his actions)

“if Lexy were on fire no one would piss on her”, (referring to his supposed friend)

“that kid is a ball stopper, slow and can’t guard anyone”, (player referred to is now a college ball player)

“I coached Livia she stinks!”, (poor kid, Tommy the Turd’s daughters talk behind her back and she has no idea. Self esteem parents?)

“If she does that again break her Fing legs!!!”, (player referred to is now a D1 college 2 guard)

“I’m not so bad Kelty, I never killed anyone”, (wow!)

“it’s Mothers day!!! You ALL SHOULD BE ASHAMED of yourselves for the way you played in front of your Mother.” (said to grammar school girls during softball game)

“Kelty, KK and JC think they are UConn/ND but they’re Patriot League at best. Not enough balls on the court for those two!” (Both now play at Ivy League schools)

“HEY! Congrats on your D1 commit to X. That’s great!!!”…girl walks away and Turd says, “she signed too soon, should have held out for a better school”  (Same D1 guard as referenced above. Nice kid and parents too)

And, perhaps the saddest quote that came from his very own daughter after a close game in which we lost by 1 point to a rival, his daughter tripped while dribbling the ball as the clock ran out and snuffed out a chance to win, after the game she said, “my Father is going to kill me when I get home…” Poor child.

Yep, the above is perhaps the tip of the iceberg with this guy. He’s been booted from our town’s soccer youth league our softball youth league and now he couldn’t have been more disruptive with basketball.

Below are txt messages he sent to me when we were on speaking terms. What I didn’t realize at the time was that he was trying to manipulate me into doing his dirty work for him. He hated our HS coach Mo Faka as the below txt madness will clearly articulate.

MESSAGES from Tommy the Turd:

[Tue Mar 25 2014 1:48:26 PM] Tommy Turd: Just got off phone with X. No verdict yet but people are stating their positions to AD, school board, etc. We need this guy out. They’re getting as many people as possible to state their case. My kids aren’t going there unless their is a change. How is california?

[Thu Apr 10 2014 9:48:39 AM] Tommy Turd: He didn’t step down. This is gonna be a battle. Makes me sick to my stomach. Ugh.

[Thu Apr 10 2014 12:03:54 PM] Tommy Turd: I’m still trying to figure out going forward. This year was so bad. Then we add that other lunatic (Lexy) into the mix for next year.

[Thu Apr 10 2014 12:16:17 PM] Tommy Turd: I wish both of them would just go away

[Wed Jul 30 2014 3:30:54 PM] Tommy Turd: He needs to forget the politics and the voices in his ear and play the kids who work hard and deserve to be out there.

[Wed Jul 30 2014 3:50:26 PM] Tommy Turd: I really hope he learns from last year’s debacle. Those srs don’t work at all in the offseason-haven’t improved at all. I Hope he doesn’t reward them for that.

[Sun Jan 4 2015 6:13:17 PM] Tommy Turd: We should have won BIG today Kelty

[Mon Jan 5 2015 7:27:23 PM] Tommy Turd: Bad basketball. Hard to watch

[Mon Jan 5 2015 7:28:18 PM] Tommy Turd: Doesn’t look anything like basketball to me

[Mon Jan 5 2015 7:34:09 PM] Tommy Turd: This f’n blows. I feel like leaving right now. He’s lost. Clueless

[Mon Jan 5 2015 7:36:28 PM] Tommy Turd: He really doesn’t give a shit about developing our kids and being good down the road. Waste of time. I’m pissed

[Mon Jan 5 2015 7:39:17 PM] Tommy Turd: Disgusting how he’s handling this team. This program is a total disaster. Terrible

[Mon Jan 5 2015 8:05:04 PM] Tommy Turd: Why did they just come out??

[Mon Jan 5 2015 8:06:11 PM] Tommy Turd: What a clueless asshole. This is gonna be a disaster season

[Mon Jan 5 2015 8:06:44 PM] Tommy Turd: My 8th team would hammer Farta. I can’t take much more of this Kelty.

[Mon Jan 5 2015 8:11:01 PM] Tommy Turd: This is an embarrassment that our kids don’t play majority of game on this shit team. And he has no foresight at all. Clueless

[Mon Jan 5 2015 8:15:00 PM] Tommy Turd: Clownshow

[Mon Jan 5 2015 8:16:27 PM] Tommy Turd: He’s a gutless pussy that knows nothing about basketball

[Tue Jan 6 2015 11:42:08 AM] Tommy Turd: He’s had a ton of talent and never won squat. I want our kids to win some titles. Not happening with him.

[Sun Jan 11 2015 12:52:33 PM] Tommy Turd: We have a lot to talk about. I’m very hesitant to put 3 more kids into this mess of a program.

[Sun Jan 11 2015 1:10:44 PM] Tommy Turd: Oompa Loompa1, Oompa Loompa2, X & “Blank” should only leave the floor if they need a rest. Different team when they’re out there-positive energy and hoops passion. Wtf is he doing?

[Fri Jan 16 2015 7:42:12 PM] Tommy Turd: This is unwatchable. Pisses me off

[Fri Jan 16 2015 7:53:10 PM] Tommy Turd: This is embarrassing. Biscotti is a good coach. He’s undressing Faka. I played against him in cyo & hs. Good guy

[Sun Jan 18 2015 2:10:28 PM] Tommy Turd: I’m done with this shitshow Kelty

[Sun Jan 18 2015 2:17:19 PM] Tommy Turd: It’s over. What a trainwreck. I’m so done

[Sat Dec 19 2015 8:18:56 AM] Tommy Turd: My head is still spinning Kelty. That was bizarre. I’ve been around hoops a long time and have never seen a beatdown like that. Painful

[Sat Dec 19 2015 8:22:39 AM] Tommy Turd: Joe needs to start playing to be a good team instead of trying to make certain parents happy

[Sat Dec 19 2015 8:29:54 AM] Tommy Turd: I’m regretting sending my kids into his mess. I may take Chae out after this year. And won’t make Tess do this BS. I would be more understanding if he was a young coach. But things aren’t going to change

[Sat Dec 19 2015 8:35:22 AM] Tommy Turd: I’m just cranky as hell after our girls getting totally undressed like that. Won’t make any decisions until things play out. Just so frustrating that he refuses to play real basketball and stop all the nonsense. And play your players instead of all the politics. That’s just the way he does it unfortunately.

[Tue Dec 22 2015 4:04:15 PM] Tommy Turd: I hear you Kelty. I’m really working on my patience. When he put Disco in over Pay my head almost exploded. But I’m trying! We don’t play good perimeter D. I Yelled @ Chae during game to get up on her girl and she told me that Faka tells them to stay back in the passing lanes. That’s not a recipe for success. We have to pressure the ball. I had Don & Danda sitting with me and they couldn’t believe how passive we were being on D either. Faka needs to turn these kid loose a little

[Sun Dec 27 2015 10:31:11 AM] Tommy Turd: The way he manages the game is just disturbing to me. I should be used to it because I’ve been watching that for 15 yrs. And running them in walkthrough the day of a game is asinine. I just hate to let a win like that slip through our hands. That was all about managing the 4th Qtr. I feel bad for the girls. They played great for 28 minutes.

[Sun Dec 27 2015 10:49:53 AM] Tommy Turd: I take this crap way too seriously. I’m gonna be dead soon watching this guy butcher games. And you run the team in walkthrough on game day. Wtf is that?

[Thu Jan 7 2016 12:52:07 PM] Tommy Turd: My VP sales & I just ran into the Doris High guys in dunkin in Botown. They were busting my balls about Pay not playing. Said everyone in county knows Faka is clueless for 15 yrs. Told me if I sent her there that she would start for 3 years at PG. They want to have lunch after season ends

[Thu Jan 7 2016 1:06:28 PM] Tommy Turd: Did you hear Lexy went to lockeroom to kick Faka’s ass after the Shenham game? She’s insane

[Thu Jan 7 2016 1:39:17 PM] Tommy Turd: Tava said she went to lockerroom and Lexy told her that she needs to see Faka right away so Tava went and got Faka to get his ass kicked. My girls didn’t tell me about that. Tava told Todd yesterday. What a mess that program is

[Thu Jan 7 2016 1:45:00 PM] Tommy Turd: His program has been like that forever. Lexy hunted him down in the lockeroom. Buts it’s working for Lexy. Oompa Loompa1 can’t dribble the ball at all and has her hands on the ball more than anyone. Totally messed up Kelty.

[Thu Jan 7 2016 1:47:13 PM] Tommy Turd: I’m not looking for any favors at all for my kids. Just a fair shot. Matching Pay up vs Oompa Loompa1 would be a bad day for Oompa Loompa1. I know that for sure.

[Thu Jan 7 2016 6:48:47 PM] Tommy Turd: That idiot pulled Oompa Loompa2 from starting role for Tava. I’m speechless. F’n with great kid who works No discussion needed with him now Kelty. I know what I need to do.

[Thu Jan 7 2016 8:00:08 PM] Tommy Turd: I can’t console her right now Kelty. Not even about starting or not starting but how he handled it. Sometimes it sucks to be a Dad. Ugh.

[Sat Jan 9 2016 4:12:15 PM] Tommy Turd: Oompa Loompa2 is in her 3rd year with this guy so she gets that he is an idiot who doesn’t know what to do. Gonna have Pay visit DC, TV, OK, etc to see what other options are out there. 3 years with this guy has been painful. Not sure we all want 5 more years in his circus

[Wed Jan 13 2016 12:19:38 PM] Tommy Turd: I was riding those refs. They sucked bad. I’m pretty good at that-lots of experience. I was talking to X a lot during the game to pump her up too because I know that Faka isn’t capable of that

[Wed Jan 13 2016 1:06:49 PM] Tommy Turd: Very frustrating because he really doesn’t know what he is doing. And is a very insecure guy. Tough to be in this “program”

[Tue Jan 26 2016 8:10:48 PM] Tommy Turd: I gotts get Pay out of this mess

[Wed Jan 27 2016 12:36:57 PM] Tommy Turd: I’ve been watching this guy coach for 15 yrs and he never gets any better. We just play poor against good teams and he doesn’t reward hard work and play the best players. Tough to watch. Looking at other options for Pay and definitely not gonna subject Vapeness to this nonsense.

[Wed Jan 27 2016 12:49:14 PM] Tommy Turd: I’m going to speak to him when we decide our path with Pay and see what he says. He hasn’t been very forthcoming with Oompa Loompa2 after Tava’s mom complained and he put her in starting lineup. So his word doesn’t really mean much to me at this point

[Tue Feb 23 2016 7:35:34 AM] Tommy Turd: We are a very poorly coached team. We never beat a good team. This is brutal Kelty.

[Tue Mar 1 2016 10:57:46 AM] Tommy Turd: We stand around on offense and don’t move the ball. Don’t get it inside enough, etc. we were lucky to get out of there alive.

[Wed Mar 2 2016 12:40:04 PM] Tommy Turd: I wish I could have one practice with them to teach them how to get the ball into post. I do it with my girls but whole team needs to be on same page. There is no teaching going on at all. They are too focused on running plays instead of moving the ball quickly to beat the defense and all moving w/o the ball too much standing around.

[Thu Nov 24 2016 11:03:55 AM] Tommy Turd: I’ve had 3 shitty seasons in that program. Can’t get much worse. I’m going to “try” to keep it in perspective and not let it give me a heart attack.

[Fri Jan 6 2017 7:38:29 AM] Tommy Turd: Oompa Loompa2 has 2 months left in her basketball career. I just want her to have a little fun on the way out there door. Unfortunately not a lot of fun in that program over last 4 years. Ugh

[Fri Jan 6 2017 7:53:09 AM] Tommy Turd: I’m trying to get to March with some sanity and then gonna go from there with the other kids. That kid has loved hoops since she could breathe and has had a shitty 4 years. Shame on me for letting that happen.

[Fri Jan 6 2017 8:03:56 AM] Tommy Turd: I keep walking kids over the cliff knowing how it ends. Bad job on my part last 4 years

[Fri Jan 6 2017 8:09:57 AM] Tommy Turd: It’s like my kids have a job after a long day at school. Makes me sad for them. Ugh

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